


Yes, deer

by clarkjoekent



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, just two dudes chilling in a hot springs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24263323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarkjoekent/pseuds/clarkjoekent
Summary: Tsunade tasks Shikaku and Kakashi to catch an inn owner in the act of paying off an Akatsuki member. The only down side was it was an exclusive couples only retreat.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Nara Shikaku
Comments: 1
Kudos: 99





	Yes, deer

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea for a while and decided to go ahead and write it. I will say, it is so much fun to write these two.

“It’s an easy mission. You two need to sneak into the hot springs and see if the owner is funneling money into the Akatsuki.”

Shikaku glared at Tsunade and then at Kakashi. “Am I going to be the one to ask why the fuck a hot springs owner would give money to the Akatsuki or did someone already ask that before you brought us in here?” 

“We have proof of the old lady giving a suitcase to someone in an Akatsuki jacket.” Tsunade threw a picture towards the Nara. 

Sure enough there she was handing a case over to a really tall Akatsuki member. “Bribery?” 

“Protection?” Kakashi chimed in. 

“Who knows. Just go and figure it out.” Tsunade waved them away. “Oh before I forget it's a couples hot spring so you have to pretend to be engaged.” The Hokage’s smile was bright and condescending. Shikaku had to take a deep breath so he wouldn’t strangle her. 

Kakashi was snickering the whole way to his apartment. “I’ll meet you at the gates in an hour.” 

“Civilian clothes only.” Shikaku knew Kakashi was smart but he couldn’t help but remind him. 

Kakashi couldn’t resist poking the Nara. “Yes, dear.” 

“Fuck you.” Shikaku rolled his eyes and walked to his house to pack. The idea that he could get a soak in was keeping him from killing Kakashi. He told his son where he was going and then left. 

Kakashi was of course an hour late, Shikaku managed to map out a plethora of plans just in case they ran into the Akatsuki member. At least the younger man looked apologetic. 

“I didn’t have many civilian clothes so I had to borrow some from Tenzo and Gai. They wouldn’t let me go until they knew where I was going.” Kakashi shrugged. 

“Whatever let’s get this over with.” Shikaku huffed and started the trek to the hot springs. It was in the middle of nowhere surrounded by trees. When they arrived they were caught off guard by the old lady from the picture. She was waiting by the entrance as if she knew they were coming. It scared Shikaku a little until he realized they weren't in any of their gear. No headband in sight. Kakashi had contacts to hide the sharingan and purple makeup to cover his scar. Shikaku had his hair down. It wasn’t hard to hide his face, once it’s out of his ponytail his hair is shoulder length and he was a whole new man. 

“Why hello!” The old lady smiled and stood up from her perch. “Are you going to holiday here at my couples retreat?” She never wavered. 

“Yes we are!” Kakashi’s voice was cheerful, bordering to sickeningly sweet. Another first for Shikaku, besides seeing Kakashi without his mask. “I’m Sukea and this is my fiance and love of my life Reo!” Kakashi wrapped an arm around Shikaku’s waist and pulled him close. 

“Adorable! Welcome, my daughter will put you two into a nice little suite.” The old lady beckoned her daughter to help the ‘couple’. They checked in without any issues and they got a nice big room. 

“Reo?” Shikaku locked the door and sound proofed it. 

“It fits.” Kakashi plopped down on the extra large futon. “We need a backstory. Sukea is a photographer so you can be a model.” 

Shikaku snorted. “I’m not a model type.”

Kakashi eyed him and shook his head. “No, you were in my way while I was taking candids and your hair distracted me.” He stood up and produced a small picture. It was Shikaku standing by the gates, scowling. “I took it just in case.” 

Shikaku was in disbelief. “You like doing this shit.”

“Love it. It’s the only time I don’t have to be Kakashi, The Infamous Copy Nin and Friend Killer. I can do whatever. I’m Sukea more often than I am Kakashi.” The younger man stared at the picture, a distant look took over the lazy glare he usually wore. 

Shikaku shifted uncomfortably, not used to seeing Kakashi like this. He watched the man suffer for years and he never broke his stoic or nonchalant attitude, even when the Nara offered help. “Okay, fine. I’m Reo, your model turned lover.” 

Kakashi smiled and snatched the picture back from the Nara’s clutches. “We’ve been together for 3 years.” 

“I’ll try and remember that.” Shikaku smiled back at the younger man. 

Kakashi took his coat off and his scarf, revealing a skintight black t-shirt and loose pants. When he stretched Shikaku could see every muscle in his back move. “I’m going to soak and snoop.” Kakashi glanced at Shikaku and smirked. 

“I’ll go with you. Kami forbid that old busybody decides to do some snooping of her own.” Shikaku followed Kakashi out to the main bath house and into the shower area. Both men minding each other’s privacy as they washed the days dirt off of their skin. 

“I never realized how tan you actually are, compared to me. I’m so pale.” Kakashi laughed as he put an arm against Shikaku’s. “Maybe I’ll get some sun.” 

Shikaku laughed. “Not a chance.” Kakashi joined in the laughter and shrugged. They walked out into the bath and eyed the clientele. There were a few men hanging out on one end. Shikaku pulled Kakashi on the opposite side. He didn't feel like talking. 

They sank into the hot water and Shikaku let out a soft moan, his back was killing him. Kakashi kept his eye out on the other men. He recognized a few. 

“Reo?” Kakashi poked the half asleep Nara. 

“Mm?” Shikaku briefly forgot his codename. “What?” 

“Some of these guys are class S criminals.” Kakashi whispered. He made it look like they were flirting. 

“What the fuck are S rank criminals doing here?” Shikaku wrapped his arm around Kakashi and pulled him close, mimicking what the younger man did to him when they arrived. 

“At a couples retreat? No idea. I’ll circle them in the bingo book later. Maybe we can earn some more money here?” Kakashi smiled and licked his lips. 

“Greedy.” The Nara snorted. They leaned back against the edge of the spring, trying to listen in on the conversation on the other side. The rush of water prevented them from hearing much. Kakashi rested his head on Shikaku’s shoulder and sighed. 

“I’m hungry and we aren’t getting much done in here.” He pouted. Shikaku can feel some annoyance creep up. He wanted to relax more but since Kakashi mentioned he was hungry, now he was too. 

“Troublesome man.” Shikaku lifted his arm off Kakashi and climbed out. He wrapped his towel around his waist and grabbed Kakashi’s. The men were watching the couple so Shikaku went the extra mile and reached out to help Kakashi out. 

They dried, dressed and left the bath house, now wandering around to find where the food was at. 

“The dining room is still open.” The old lady snuck up on them, scaring them both half to death.

“Oh! Thank you!” Kakashi was able to recover first. They tried not to run away from her as they made it to the dining room. 

“What the fuck, why didn’t we noticed her?” Shikaku looked back at the old lady, she was now helping a couple find some more towels. 

“Shh she’s got ears everywhere.” Kakashi laughed. Shikaku rolled his eyes. They grabbed some food and sat at a table near the window. For what it’s worth the place was beautiful. The trees offered privacy, the foliage was kept neat, there were even a few deer roaming around. 

“Too bad this is a mission and not just a place to relax.” Kakashi read Shikaku’s mind. 

“One day we will be able to go off and enjoy ourselves.” Shikaku rested his head on his hand and poked his rice. 

“Child soldiers should have an early retirement option.” 

“Not for you if Tsunade has her way, Hokage-sama.” 

“Nope.”

Shikaku laughed. “Like you have a choice.” 

“You can do it.” Kakashi pointed his chopsticks at Shikaku. “You have more experience.” 

“I’m too old.” The Nara took a bite of his fish. 

“Shut up you’re only 35.” Kakashi raised an eyebrow, willing to continue this lovers' quarrel. 

“Don’t you dare.” Shikaku squinted. He knows Kakashi is going to push Shikaku in front of him and the Nara has spent years flying just under Tsunade’s radar. 

“Mmm?” Kakashi smirked. All the Nara wanted to do now was strangle the man sitting across from him. 

“Whatever.” Shikaku finished his food and waited for Kakashi to finish as well. He watched the deer frolic and the birds fly around the bird seed dispensers the inn had set up. He zoned out just enough to not hear Kakashi call his name. He received a kick under the table and his attention made it back to Kakashi. 

“The old lady.” Kakashi angled his head in her direction and Shikaku watched her walk outside and disappear. 

“Fuck.” Shikaku stood up and got rid of his plate. Kakashi wasn’t far behind. “Care for a walk my love?” The Nara grabbed Kakashi’s hand and they hurried to follow the innkeeper. She was slick and fast. They almost missed her. She was hiding near a boulder, a box in her hand. 

They made it look like they were walking around the back of the inn, Shikaku close enough to pet a deer. Kakashi kept his eye out on the lady while Shikaku felt for a menacing chakra. Nothing. The old lady opened the box and refilled one of the empty bird feeders. 

“False alarm.” Kakashi sighed. 

“This mission is making me more tense than before we got here.” Shikaku scratched his beard. His back was locking up again. 

“Hello, enjoying the view?” The old lady walked up to them and this time they were ready. 

“The deer are sweet.” Shikaku smiled, hoping she would leave them alone.

“Yes well they are Nara deer, the Nara clan are always treating the wildlife with such care and respect.” She had an odd glint in her eye. 

Shikaku froze, realizing he was petting said deer from his own damn clan. The Nara looked at the deer and then at Kakashi. 

“My fiance is a distant relative from the Nara clan. I myself am close to the Inuzuka clan. Any dogs you have causing issues?” Kakashi slid into Sukea and bailed the Nara out. He squeezed Shikaku’s hand in reassurance before battling the old lady and her sharp mind. 

“No but if I do I know who to ask.” She laughed and walked away. Both men waited for her to be well out of earshot before breathing again. 

They walked back to their room, soundproofing it before Kakashi laid into Shikaku. 

“Have you been on missions like this? Why did you pet the deer? You know your clan is the only one who can touch a Nara deer.” 

“Number one, it’s been years since I’ve been put in a spot like this. Number two, you try not petting a big dog and then come back to me.” Shikaku huffed. It has been a very long time since he’s been on missions like this. He’s usually stuck behind his desk or getting the ass end of Tsunade’s anger. He used to be good, and quick. The old lady was throwing him off. 

“It’s not the same.”

“It is exactly the same. I’ll be better tomorrow.” Shikaku took off his shirt and pants, leaving him in his boxers before crawling into bed. It was only 9 pm but he was exhausted. Kakashi rolled his eyes and went to his bag, pulling out his bingo book. He got ready for bed and slid in next to Shikaku. 

He spent an hour flipping through the pages and marking the men he saw. Shikaku’s soft snores eventually lulled Kakashi to sleep. 

* * *

The next day was much better. Shikaku was quicker. The old lady tried to throw them off a few times, asking about their wedding plans or about how they met. 

“It was fate really.” Shikaku sipped the tea the inn provided for breakfast, humoring the old innkeeper. Kakashi was on the prowl for the bingo book shinobi. 

“That is adorable. You two are so cute together.” She smiled at Kakashi. 

“Yeah, like a puzzle we fit perfectly.” Kakashi chimed back. Shikaku had to hold back a snort. 

“A puzzle?” Shikaku asked, he finally had a chance to chide his “lover” at his cheesy line. 

“I read softcore porn dripping with lines like that and you don’t expect me to use them? Come on Reo I thought you were smart.” Kakashi winked. They were floating by themselves in the hot springs waiting for one of their targets to emerge. 

“Right I forgot you were into that shit. What about using your experience?” Shikaku let his hair get wet before sitting up in the water. 

“Maa, too busy for that. You had Yoshino.” Kakashi glanced at the Nara. It was the divorce that rocked Konoha. 

“Yeah but she was different. That was arranged.” Shikaku shrugged. He made peace with his life, as long as he had his son’s love he’s good. Well he thought he was. If the last two days proved anything, he realized he was lonely. 

“Both of us were the worst for this mission huh?” 

“No, I think we got it. You have Icha Icha and I have those shitty romance movies Ino forces the boys to watch every Friday night at our place.” Shikaku pulled Kakashi into his arms. Kakashi laughed just as a group of men entered. They looked like a loved up couple so they weren’t on anyone’s radar. 

The next day Shikaku was able to come up with a plan of action. According to the bingo book, all of these men were S rank criminals with a penchant for thievery and bribery. They were either using this place as a hideout or a hit. 

The old lady disappeared again today to feed the birds. The place she does it is right where the picture was taken by the ANBU. 

“We might be in the middle of shit here Sukea.” Shikaku downed his afternoon coffee after sharing his plan. 

“A group of S ranks hitting an old lady that is paying an Akatsuki member for protection. This is worse than shit.” Kakashi tapped the table, thinking about what Shikaku had laid out in front of him. 

Shikaku suggested to just stay out of the way and let the Akatsuki member deal with the criminals. They could also take the criminals out and wait for the Akatsuki member to come out of hiding. 

“She said to just get definitive proof.”

“What’s better proof than a dead body?” Kakashi shrugged, ignoring Shikaku’s glare.

The Nara sighed and leaned back in his seat. “ANBU said the Akatsuki member appeared every four days. Tsunade got us to leave the day after the ANBU got the picture” 

“Tomorrow it goes down then.” Kakashi stood up and threw his cup away. “I’m going to soak again. Come with?” 

“Sure why not.” The Nara followed his ‘fiance’ to the bath house. This time Kakashi scrubbed Shikaku’s back for him, he was gentle and it made Shikaku’s heart flutter. 

Kakashi watched Shikaku slump in his stool and his hands traveled down to the small of the Nara’s back. He rubbed circles into his skin and Shikaku let out a soft sound. Not quite a moan closer to a sob. 

“Hey are you okay?” Kakashi moved his hand away, worried he had hurt the man. 

“It’s whatever. Let’s just get into the water.” Shikaku stood up fast and walked to the bath. Kakashi noticed red blotches on Shikaku’s face. 

“Maa, did I hurt you?” Kakashi followed and got into the scalding water. The Nara was still not looking at him. 

“No I’m fine really.” Shikaku’s face was all red but it was because of the water now. Kakashi raised an eyebrow but backed off his line of questioning for now. No way is he letting this go. He snuck up behind Shikaku and put his head in the crook of his shoulder. 

“Okay. This isn’t over though.” He placed his hands on Shikau’s chest and held tight. He almost fell asleep, resting on Shikaku. Shikaku had jostled them, trying to wake Kakashi up. 

“I thought Shikamaru was the only one who could sleep anywhere.” The Nara snorted while drying off. 

“Maa, years of practice.” Kakashi yawned and got dressed. He was fighting a losing battle. 

“I got a travel shogi board, we should play.” Shikaku held the door for Kakashi and they walked to their room. The old lady was yelling at an employee so they escaped her probing questions. They sealed themselves in and Shikaku set the game up. 

Two rounds in and Kakashi was losing. He’s used to it when it comes to the older Nara. Shikamaru was easy. Asuma and Gai were never a challenge. He enjoyed quiet games with Shikaku. 

He also liked watching the man play. Shikaku was concentrating but there was a gleam in his eye. He didn’t have the same tells Shikamaru had. It made Kakashi smile when Shikaku backed him into a corner. 

“What happened in the bath house?” Kakashi moved a piece, he noticed the Nara had tensed up. 

“Nothing really. I told you it’s fine.” Shikaku moved a piece, taking one of Kakashi’s out of play. 

“Didn’t seem like nothing.” 

“Look Yoshino left me years ago for the man of her dreams, I’ve been busy with work so I may be a little on the touch starved side.” Shikaku took another piece out. 

“But we hold each other all the time.” They have managed to cuddle up everywhere, throwing the old lady off their trail.

“Not the same. What you did was something Yoshino would do when I got really stressed out.” Shikaku played the winning move and sat back, eyeing Kakashi. 

“Mmm.” Kakashi locked on to Shikaku and realized that he never really got the chance to be held or rather he never gave anyone a chance. The last person to really hug him was his dad. “I never let anyone get that close so I can’t tell you I feel the same. It is nice when you put your arm around me though. Very grounding.” 

“Thanks.” Shikaku chuckled. He put the pieces away and went to get ready for bed. Kakashi beat him to it, moving the blankets so Shikaku could slide in. The Nara closed his eyes and tried to sleep off the pain in his heart. He felt Kakashi settle behind him, inching closer until he could feel the heat coming off Kakashi’s chest. The Nara smiled softly and let Kakashi envelop him in his warmth and care.

* * *

They woke up to the sound of the old lady shrieking. The criminals stole everything that wasn’t nailed to the ground, that included the towels, soap and carts. 

“Damn we missed them.” Kakashi got dressed quickly. Shikaku was trying to unseal a few kunai. 

“Well we got the reason they were here right.” The Nara threw a knife to Kakashi who caught it and hid it under his coat. They walked out to survey the damage. A man in a black cloak was talking to a very red old lady. The man’s back was facing the two shinobi. They waited until he turned around, a panicked look was etched on his face. 

“A fucking fake.” Shikaku spat out. The Akatsuki were logged into every bingo book and wanted poster. Each village is hyper-vigilant on gathering intel and spreading the information to the other villages. This man was in the bingo book but as a C rank criminal. 

“Fuck.” Kakashi ran out to the man and knocked him out. 

“What is the meaning of this?” The old lady was in tears. 

“Did you pay him for protection?” 

“Yes! He promised to watch our inn for any criminals.” She stammered out. 

“Shikaku!” Kakashi made sure the fake Akatsuki member was sealed up before he dragged the man to the main lobby. “Protection.” 

“Well we know what the criminals looked like.” 

“A hunt?” Kakashi smiled. 

“Sure, why not.” Shikaku smiled back and they went back to their room to pack. Costumes were put aside for their uniforms, Shikaku missed seeing Kakashi’s face all the time. It didn’t take long for them to pack and bolt. They ran into the old lady again, telling her they will get the criminals and her stuff back. 

Thanks to Kakashi’s nose, they caught up to the rag tag pack of thieves by a bounty collection building. 

“Trying to sell her stuff.” Shikaku landed on a branch close to the criminals waiting for Kakashi to land next to him. “They aren’t quick, I can tell you that much. They should’ve sensed us by now.” 

“We can hit them head on, assuming there’s no other loyal thieves in the area.” Kakashi watched them argue from there spot and rolled his eyes. “S rank my ass.” 

“Alright here's the plan. Fuck them up and get the old lady her shit back.” 

“Yes dear.” Kakashi winked and jumped down from his spot, scaring the criminals. 

A series of cries and the sounds of bones cracking filled both Konoha shinobi’s ears. Soon they had them all wrapped up and the hot spring owner’s items all sealed into scrolls to make it easier to carry. Shikaku dragged the mess of men into the collection house and got the money they earned from them. Shikaku sealed the money away and followed Kakashi back to the inn. 

“Here you are, all of your stuff.” Kakashi unsealed all of the items and beamed at the old lady. 

“So you aren’t an actual couple?” The innkeeper sighed. 

“Maa, I wouldn’t say that.” Kakashi shrugged, knowing Shikaku couldn’t hear their conversation. He was busy with getting the fake Akatsuki member on his feet. They were taking him to Konoha. 

The old lady smiled and nodded. She thanked them for getting her stuff back. “A free week long stay for you two the next time you come by.” 

Kakashi laughed and helped Shikaku pull the criminal, it took a few hours to get through the Gates of Konoha. They passed the man over to Ibiki and walked to Tsunade’s office. 

“So she paid the faker for protection and then got everything stolen by a merry band of S rank criminals?” Tsunade rolled her eyes. 

“Merry band of dumbasses. We figured she suffered enough so we didn’t bring her in.” Shikaku huffed. He was sore and tired. 

“Alright love birds thanks for your help and money.” Tsunade pointed at the bounty money. She passed a thick wad of cash to both men as their payment “and then some” and they were dismissed. 

“You didn’t tell her off.” Kakashi walked beside Shikaku, the Nara had set a lazy pace. 

“What’s the point?” Shikaku eyed Kakashi. 

“Mm.” Kakashi pursed his lips and got a great idea. “I can work those knots out on your back.” 

Shikaku stopped walking and thought about Kakashi’s offer. “Sure. Why not.” 

They walked a few more feet until Shikaku asked the question that’s been on his mind since they left the inn. “Do you think we will ever go back to that inn?” 

Kakashi thought for a minute. “Probably.”

“Really?” Shikaku threw a glare at Kakashi, who nodded. 

“Yeah, on our honeymoon.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” 


End file.
